Poop

People,

It may sound crazy, but a large part of the satisfaction I take in my new job is controlling the output of my children. Yes, by output I mean their poo.

Let me explain. In the two months or so before I took this gig on both Graham and Jake were in daycare. Now, as any parent out there knows, daycare gives you a slip at the end of the day telling you how your kids did. It covers eating, general mood and bowel movements. And while both were eating just fine and charming the pants off their teachers, the poop just wasn't right.

All of Graham's reports were saying that he was dropping loose bombs 4 or five times a day. A DAY. Come on.

Jakey's reports were that he was making tiny little charcoal bricks and was having trouble getting them out. Please.

So, part of my mission when I got them to myself was to get this shit sorted out. I cut back on Grahambo's milk and increased his fiber while simultaneously increasing Jakey's fluids and upping his fresh vegetables.

The result? Beautiful well formed turds a couple times a day. I actually look forward to the diapers now to make sure that everything is working as it should be.  Its gotten to the point where I can spot dehydration, too much processed sugar or even a missed vitamin dose a mile away. Boom.

I have become...The Poo Whisperer.