Misunderstandings

I.

One thing the boys and I do each week is shop at a local farmer's market. I've been doing a lot of reading and research about food and the disgusting practices of industrialized agriculture, so I'm trying to do better at eating locally grown, fresh and healthy food. What a guy.

Unfortunately, most of the people who are into this kind of thing are dyed in the wool straight up kooky hippies. I am not. I understand that the hippies are necessary, since farmer's markets need organic farmers and lord knows I'm not going to do it. Plus, there's no money in it and you need a certain kind of optimistic worldview that I just can't really comprehend.

Anyway, among these people I am a fish out of water. I try to pretend I know what I'm doing, but it doesn't always work out. Take the following exchange.

Me: I'll take a loaf of the whole wheat.
Hippie: OK, just to let you know I sifted some of the bran.
Me: (pretending not to be confused) Of course.
Hippie: So, do you want it?
Me: Right, the whole wheat.
Hippie: I sifted the bran.
Me: (panicking) Um, great, I'll take the whole wheat.
Hippie: Dude, I sifted the bran, so it's not really whole wheat. It's wheat, but not the whole grain so I can't call it whole wheat.
Me: (chagrined) Oh, right. Yeah I'll take it.

Who the hell knows what the definition of whole wheat is? Hippies, that's who. Is this common knowledge?

II.

As he rang me out, I said:

Me: Sorry for the misunderstanding, I guess that's how you separate the customers from the chaff, huh?

And he DIDN'T LAUGH!!!! I mean, how much more in his humor wheelhouse could a joke be? I felt like I was on the moon.

III.

On a long bike ride the other night I drove by a large industrial building with a sign outside reading "The Hague" and underneath that in smaller letters "The Corporation."

No shit? Not the international war crimes tribunal? I could have sworn that was headquartered in Rochester. Man, that sucks since I was really hoping to have a sit down with Slobodan or Chuck Taylor. Oh well.

Thanks for indulging me. Tomorrow I'll get back to the kids.