My boys will be there

I'm thinking of starting a bloodhound gang-esque detective/rescue agency.

If you are ever in trouble, just call on.....the Welsh boys.

They are prepared to meet trouble wherever it appears, whether on land....

In the air....




Or, of course, on the rock wall.

Other Stuff

More stuff we've been up to over the past week...

We hit up Graham's buddies Henry and Norman for some playtime. Unfortunately, the kid energy of the three of them together just made them all go berserk.  And so, in the interest of preserving our sanity and the structural integrity of their new house, we put them in front of Cars. Cars is AWESOME.

The Grahambo Welshdrix Experience

Then we went to the beach. I know what you're thinking, "Joe, the beach in November? Won't it be too cold?" Well, you're damn right. But, it was still a time killer fun.

I quacked at these bastards for 5 minutes. Nothing. Guess you need to bring bread.

My name is Graham. I like to run away.

This is right where Graham got sick of the jetty and wanted me to carry him back to the car. He did not get his wish.

Then we went to the library and tried on costumes in anticipation of Graham's tryout for the Children's Village People. I think he has a shot.

 Then it was my birthday, which was very mellow, since at my age loud noises and action unsettle me.

Happy birthday daddy!

This nap may look uncomfortable, but it was glorious.

And that's it. Have a good holiday and we'll see you on Monday.

Where have you been?

A lot of people want to know what we've been up to recently. Well, my mom, Sarah's mom and Alena do, and that's almost a lot, right?

Anyway, Sarah has been on nights at the hospital which gives me, approximately, 38 seconds of free time a day.  I have chosen to spend this time mourning the end of my youth, not documenting the activities of my charges, which I know is shameful. My apologies.

Anywho....

We continued to go hiking, including a trip to Walcott Falls. Now, the guidebook describes Walcott Falls as being beautiful and worth the one hour trip from Rochester. So I picked a day where everyone was tired and, banking on some good car napping, I headed out there.

At first glance I admit I was skeptical, seeing as the park appears to be guarded by the summer home of Marilyn Manson.

Entrance to Walcott Falls Park. Seriously.

But, being the intrepid travelers that we are, we were not phased. Next up was the falls itself.

Pretty nice, right? It really is, especially when you crop the HUGE sewage outflow pipe out of the picture. 

"What's that, daddy?" 

"Um, it's where the fish get their food"

"The fish must be hungry."

Then came the part of the trip we were all excited about, the Walcott Falls playground. Graham, as always headed right for the swings...er...swing. I, being the buzzkill, had to say no.

"Um, sorry buddy, we can't use that swing."

"Why?!?!?!?"

"Because it probably still has bubonic plague on it from the kids in the Middle Ages who were tortured there."

Tantrums ensued, but I stand by my decision.

Seriously?

 Finally, as with all good trips, it had to end. But, being on the "substitute water and coffee for food" diet, I had to hit the head before we left. This is where Walcott Falls really shone.

Looks good, right?

 Now, I have been in some bad bathrooms before. As a kid, I spent all my summers camping, using only outhouses and port a johns with no problems at all. But nothing, I mean nothing prepared me for what I would find in this outwardly well-manicured restroom.

I present to you the single worst toilet in North America.

For those of you keeping score at home - Yes, that is just a shallow hole in the concrete covered by a piece of duct work and a plywood top; Yes, that is human feces literally everywhere; Yes, the stench was unbearable; Yes, I made Graham stand outside alone while I peed and No, it has never been cleaned.

The great outdoors, people!

You win again

My son Graham is always right. I mean, like all two year olds, he of course thinks he's always right. But beyond that, when he says something weird and insists upon it, it is in your best interest to believe him, because he is right. Many has been the time I've patronizingly told him "Of course I see the mail truck" only to actually see it thirty seconds later hidden behind a semi or "Of course the funny bagel store is around here" only to turn the corner and drive by the Hasidic bakery.

Anywho, this morning he's been making me insane by harping on a supposed monkey hat. He's driving me crazy by whining about it and I'm in turn driving him crazy insisting it doesn't exist.

Anyway...

The great outdoors

Sooner or later I have to accept that it is actually November and winter is nearly here.

I hate winter more than anything else in the world. I hate the cold, the snow, the heating bills and the early sunsets. I hate the holiday weight gain, the shoveling and the icy sidewalks. I really can't overstate how miserable I think it is.

So, with that in mind, the boys and I have been trying our best to wring the last miserable shards of autumn out of upstate New York. Enjoy.

Graham playing the old time favorite "Poke the vestigial wooden post with a stick"

The view from the bench

Jakey considering the best spot to lay his next banana spit

We got to a field and Graham decided we should build our next house there. He carefully walked through the reeds until he got to this spot. Also popular in this spot? Dog shit. Oh well.

"And that's where my bedroom will go"

Hiking makes babies tired

Little drummer boy

Graham has discovered the drums.




This is nice, because between himself and Jakey they have all the sloppy drinking, pants wetting and vomiting of a young John Bonham.

Rock and/or roll.

Bohemian Wrapsody

So, ever since Halloween, Grahambo loves him some costumes. It started with just wanting to wear his Batman stuff around all the time, but has now morphed into a full-on desire to play dress up whenever the opportunity arises.

Luckily, the library we visit a lot has a whole box of costumes and this is Graham's new closet. His favorite new identity is that of the Queen.

Of course, being Graham, she isn't just any Queen - she's in touch with the people. So, while she could have thousands of subjects do her bidding, she chooses instead to stay in touch with her people by continuing to do all the little tasks.

Like taking care of the mail....

And, of course, manning the periscope herself.

In this writer's view, a truly noble re-imagining of the monarchy.

Stop your bitching

So, my mom basically called me out and said "Less carping about how tough your life is, more cute pictures of my grandsons, who I love more than you." Shocking I know, but that is an actual verbatim quote.

So here is the last week or so in pictures and witty captions.

I bought Batman an old fart magnifying glass at CVS.  Here he's using it for a little CSI work. I played the part of Marg Hellgenberger.

Batman at the children's museum the day before Halloween. I think he and the skeleton are putting on a two man performance of Gypsy.

Later at the museum Batman discovered vanity in a funhouse mirror.

Getting ready to trick or treat all over your ass.  I have no idea who the kid on the left is. (I kid...sorry Julian.)

I will relieve you of that candy now, sir.

Just home from trick or treating. I swear that I did not make him eat pretzels as his first treat.

I have become lazy

Well, that's not entirely true.

Sarah has been on nights, which means we never see her and I have the boys to myself all day long. Don't get me wrong, I love these boys more than life itself, but considering how much I love life when I am a completely single parent...well...that's not saying too much.

I just don't get how single parents do this. Children take so much out of you every day it seems physically, mentally and emotionally impossible to me that people do this all by themselves. When I have to handle all the rearing responsibilities it's simply not within my power to also keep the house clean, the bills paid and the bed made.

My friend Jen suggests that the key is alcohol and advised me to start drinking every day at a reasonable hour, like 11AM. I guess that must be the ticket.

Anywho, Sarah is off nights now and this blog is about to get sexy again. Stay tuned.