Guest post from Mr. Mom

Just a bit of advice for any of you out there currently dating musicians: they may take a wee bit of time to mature, but hold on tight, because eventually this happens.








Best. Dad. Ever.

End of the year wrap up

So,

Life marches on. Christmas was spectacular, as it almost inevitably has to be with the world's most excited 2 year old and his sidekick brother. Of course, Graham made out like an absolute bandit and still managed to complain that it wasn't enough, but that's his job really.

Here's what you missed:

As I waited for Sarah to finish work, we hit the museum for some time killing. While there, Jakey again displayed his total disregard for his own safety and hit the slides.





Then it was time to head home for the holidays.

We travelled to Boston. Meal there? Organic snacks and sandwiches. Meal back? Burger King, Twizzlers and Oreos. 

Sarah got a kiss, but Jakey saw Jesus.

At home, Graham showed us just how excited a child can be on Christmas morning.

The Welshes demonstrating both their affinity for Sesame Street and their enormous heads. 

Jakey rode the crap out of this beast. Charge!

Jakey tried all day, but couldn't do better than a 280. Next time, buddy.

Unfortunately, we had to leave a few things behind because of space in the car. Shockingly, this truly special gift didn't make the cut.

Christmas Time

Man, the Christmas spirit is flying in our house and not necessarily in a good way. Graham is so excited that he has essentially morphed into a methed out 3 foot tall wrecking machine. He has also contracted an insane case of the "Why?'s" and now will not let any statement, however benign, go unchallenged. "Why do we need a clean house? Why is Santa at the North Pole? Why do you make us sleep outside?" etc.

Anywho, here some cute stuff from our holiday season:

Liberace, the Christmas Cowboy

This is unacceptable! Check the damn list twice! 

Nobody puts Baby in a box. Well, except Baby.

So I sez to this guy, I sez, listen Bub....

The intrepid little Santa in Rochester's natural environment

Jakey does not like the cold. Damn straight, young man.

Betrayed!

My son Jacob has become a little pint-sized Judas.

Observe him in this video unabashedly enjoying the absolute worst song in the universe.




I mean, who's with me? That song blows.

Heart Attack

So, we have just been getting snow here in Rochester. God, I love snow. Oh, wait a minute...nope. I hate snow. Especially snow like this - thick, wet, heart attack snow.

Anyway, I have to go out and shovel, but first a slideshow with commentary....

One of the true beauties of youth is the ease with which children are entertained by dumb shit. This cardboard piece of junk ice castle made Graham ecstatic for nearly a half hour.  

"Commissioner, I'm on my way! Also, I need a cell phone."

Costume time at Julians. Notice the nod to authenticity provided by Pooh's cutlass.

Graham has traded in his Batman stuff for a safari hat. Here he is observing conspicuous consumption in its natural habitat.

"I need my allowance by the end of the week or I'm gonna have Jakey kneecap you."

My boys will be there

I'm thinking of starting a bloodhound gang-esque detective/rescue agency.

If you are ever in trouble, just call on.....the Welsh boys.

They are prepared to meet trouble wherever it appears, whether on land....

In the air....




Or, of course, on the rock wall.

Other Stuff

More stuff we've been up to over the past week...

We hit up Graham's buddies Henry and Norman for some playtime. Unfortunately, the kid energy of the three of them together just made them all go berserk.  And so, in the interest of preserving our sanity and the structural integrity of their new house, we put them in front of Cars. Cars is AWESOME.

The Grahambo Welshdrix Experience

Then we went to the beach. I know what you're thinking, "Joe, the beach in November? Won't it be too cold?" Well, you're damn right. But, it was still a time killer fun.

I quacked at these bastards for 5 minutes. Nothing. Guess you need to bring bread.

My name is Graham. I like to run away.

This is right where Graham got sick of the jetty and wanted me to carry him back to the car. He did not get his wish.

Then we went to the library and tried on costumes in anticipation of Graham's tryout for the Children's Village People. I think he has a shot.

 Then it was my birthday, which was very mellow, since at my age loud noises and action unsettle me.

Happy birthday daddy!

This nap may look uncomfortable, but it was glorious.

And that's it. Have a good holiday and we'll see you on Monday.

Where have you been?

A lot of people want to know what we've been up to recently. Well, my mom, Sarah's mom and Alena do, and that's almost a lot, right?

Anyway, Sarah has been on nights at the hospital which gives me, approximately, 38 seconds of free time a day.  I have chosen to spend this time mourning the end of my youth, not documenting the activities of my charges, which I know is shameful. My apologies.

Anywho....

We continued to go hiking, including a trip to Walcott Falls. Now, the guidebook describes Walcott Falls as being beautiful and worth the one hour trip from Rochester. So I picked a day where everyone was tired and, banking on some good car napping, I headed out there.

At first glance I admit I was skeptical, seeing as the park appears to be guarded by the summer home of Marilyn Manson.

Entrance to Walcott Falls Park. Seriously.

But, being the intrepid travelers that we are, we were not phased. Next up was the falls itself.

Pretty nice, right? It really is, especially when you crop the HUGE sewage outflow pipe out of the picture. 

"What's that, daddy?" 

"Um, it's where the fish get their food"

"The fish must be hungry."

Then came the part of the trip we were all excited about, the Walcott Falls playground. Graham, as always headed right for the swings...er...swing. I, being the buzzkill, had to say no.

"Um, sorry buddy, we can't use that swing."

"Why?!?!?!?"

"Because it probably still has bubonic plague on it from the kids in the Middle Ages who were tortured there."

Tantrums ensued, but I stand by my decision.

Seriously?

 Finally, as with all good trips, it had to end. But, being on the "substitute water and coffee for food" diet, I had to hit the head before we left. This is where Walcott Falls really shone.

Looks good, right?

 Now, I have been in some bad bathrooms before. As a kid, I spent all my summers camping, using only outhouses and port a johns with no problems at all. But nothing, I mean nothing prepared me for what I would find in this outwardly well-manicured restroom.

I present to you the single worst toilet in North America.

For those of you keeping score at home - Yes, that is just a shallow hole in the concrete covered by a piece of duct work and a plywood top; Yes, that is human feces literally everywhere; Yes, the stench was unbearable; Yes, I made Graham stand outside alone while I peed and No, it has never been cleaned.

The great outdoors, people!

You win again

My son Graham is always right. I mean, like all two year olds, he of course thinks he's always right. But beyond that, when he says something weird and insists upon it, it is in your best interest to believe him, because he is right. Many has been the time I've patronizingly told him "Of course I see the mail truck" only to actually see it thirty seconds later hidden behind a semi or "Of course the funny bagel store is around here" only to turn the corner and drive by the Hasidic bakery.

Anywho, this morning he's been making me insane by harping on a supposed monkey hat. He's driving me crazy by whining about it and I'm in turn driving him crazy insisting it doesn't exist.

Anyway...

The great outdoors

Sooner or later I have to accept that it is actually November and winter is nearly here.

I hate winter more than anything else in the world. I hate the cold, the snow, the heating bills and the early sunsets. I hate the holiday weight gain, the shoveling and the icy sidewalks. I really can't overstate how miserable I think it is.

So, with that in mind, the boys and I have been trying our best to wring the last miserable shards of autumn out of upstate New York. Enjoy.

Graham playing the old time favorite "Poke the vestigial wooden post with a stick"

The view from the bench

Jakey considering the best spot to lay his next banana spit

We got to a field and Graham decided we should build our next house there. He carefully walked through the reeds until he got to this spot. Also popular in this spot? Dog shit. Oh well.

"And that's where my bedroom will go"

Hiking makes babies tired

Little drummer boy

Graham has discovered the drums.




This is nice, because between himself and Jakey they have all the sloppy drinking, pants wetting and vomiting of a young John Bonham.

Rock and/or roll.

Bohemian Wrapsody

So, ever since Halloween, Grahambo loves him some costumes. It started with just wanting to wear his Batman stuff around all the time, but has now morphed into a full-on desire to play dress up whenever the opportunity arises.

Luckily, the library we visit a lot has a whole box of costumes and this is Graham's new closet. His favorite new identity is that of the Queen.

Of course, being Graham, she isn't just any Queen - she's in touch with the people. So, while she could have thousands of subjects do her bidding, she chooses instead to stay in touch with her people by continuing to do all the little tasks.

Like taking care of the mail....

And, of course, manning the periscope herself.

In this writer's view, a truly noble re-imagining of the monarchy.

Stop your bitching

So, my mom basically called me out and said "Less carping about how tough your life is, more cute pictures of my grandsons, who I love more than you." Shocking I know, but that is an actual verbatim quote.

So here is the last week or so in pictures and witty captions.

I bought Batman an old fart magnifying glass at CVS.  Here he's using it for a little CSI work. I played the part of Marg Hellgenberger.

Batman at the children's museum the day before Halloween. I think he and the skeleton are putting on a two man performance of Gypsy.

Later at the museum Batman discovered vanity in a funhouse mirror.

Getting ready to trick or treat all over your ass.  I have no idea who the kid on the left is. (I kid...sorry Julian.)

I will relieve you of that candy now, sir.

Just home from trick or treating. I swear that I did not make him eat pretzels as his first treat.